sorry I don't want to give birth to our first child by myself??

I think having a baby is different. I think she means the ones that run home for every little thing.

We have no children. I am home while he is deployed because I have an aunt battling liver cancer, a grandmother that is very sick and I am a nurse so I am a big help to them. You need to think about peoples situations

exactly! thank you!! i understand some peoples situation when they go home-i know a girl who is pregnate and honestly, i wouldn't want to be alone if i was 6 months pregnate. but it pisses me off so much when people give up the house they're living at and the security of the base the may live on to move back home with they're parents like they're in high school or something!! i agree!! grow up people!

I think that when people move back to family during deployments, it teaches children that families support each other through tough times. And teaching children that family is always there for you is an important lesson...

I think it's wrong to judge anyone and their reasons.
Everyone is different.What people need is different.
I feel your rant is one of the biggest reasons so many woman do move home because there is a lack of support from other women and other wives in the military. maybe instead of judging someone for wanting to go home should you think about why it bothers you so much.
I applaud any woman who does what she thinks is best for her and doesn't focus on anyone else.
for the record my husband and i have been stationed in many other countries and i have never once gone home when my husband got deployed. i have been able to talk with wives and mothers from those countries and one of the first things they have asked me in almost every country we have been in is "why do you american leave your families so far behind." in many other cultures it is normal to live next door or even in the same home as your mother and father for the rest of your life. If you did any research at all you would know that having a strong family connection is very educational to a child and when a parent leaves the home the best thing you can do for them is surround them with familiar faces. I think going home teaches the children that family sticks together and that they are there for you when you need them even for the little things.
I am sorry that there are woman in the military that feel the need to judge someone else for something so little as going home.

I have a baby and live in a violent area, thus the reason I go home. When my daughter is school age, I will tough it out because her education is important.

Besides, it's nice seeing your family every once in a while.

Deployment is a lonely time, especially if you don't get along with the other wives. You want to be close to your friends and family.

I went home both times. The first time because I had a small baby and there was no support network whatsoever. The second time, similiar circumstances. I am usually a lone wolf but I know my limitations. You didn't/don't go home: SO WHAT. So you could whine to your fellow wives, I could whine to my mother...what's the damn difference?

I don't see why it would bother you if someone else moved home.
I couldn't do it, though. My mom drives me nuts. lol

I went home because I want my son to know his extended family. I'm close with all my family and I want that for him.

Besides I'm saving a shitload of money by being home.

My mom drives me insane too. There is no way I would go home during a deployment. But I would never look down on those that choose to.

I don't move home during deployments, but I do visit for extended periods of time. Hell yeah I'd rather wake up to people who can have conversations with me instead of solely talking to myself, the baby or the cats. Being alone is lonely, and being lonely is hard for some people.

I move home during deployments. I can still guarantee you that i'm grown up. There is nothing wrong with saving thousands of dollars and getting to see your family for once.

I really hope that I can teach my children that when the "going gets tough" that they can of course run back to me. I will always be there for my children!!! Just like I know that my parents will always be there for me! You acted like a supportive family is a bad thing.

My Husband is deployed and I did not move home. But I see nothing wrong with anyone moving home. Deployments are hard and the best thing you can do for yourself is surround yourself with people who love and care about you. Stop being judgemental.

wow, does your family not love you enough or something?

What's so great about being a grown-up?

I don't think living by yourself as a woman is very safe. I Have no childern and I'm young. I didn't feel safe at night after my neighbor's house got broken into so I went home. Its not that I'm running home because I can't be a grown up I just don't feel safe without a man around and I'm not the kind of girl who's going to handle a gun.

What the crap??? Who cares if they wanna run home to mommy to daddy!! I would totally move back home if my man got deployed!! Everyone needs help sometimes!! And isn't one reason people have parents is so that they can turn to them when they get to heavy for them to bear alone??? This is so stupid!!!!!!

it's not about running home for help sometimes you need companionship and you need to be around people who are close to you

My husband was sent away when my son was a month old and we lived in Alaska and I knew NO ONE!!!! I was very close to my Mom and being near her the year he was gone HELPED. Just because you move back home, doesn't mean you have to move in with your parents. Ever occur to you that family support is a GOOD THING!? My husband is deploying again in four months, and we are having another child in two months and I will be moving back to Texas....and that does not make me or my kids weak! Like someone already said, if you dont wanna move back home..DONT!

there's nothing weak about going home. It's fine. You're allowed. Why does it matter to your every day life if I go home rather than stay sitting here all by myself?

i moved home because i was 8 motnhs pregnant and was not about to have the first great grand baby alone in the stumps by myself...

but if i hadn't been pregnant, id have moved home to earn BHA< it might sound selfish, but with the little pay the guys get anyways, the little extra each month we are saving helps out alot through the first few months hes home and taking care of extra bills.

My husband is leaving for his 1st deployment in the spring, I am going home. He doesn't even want me to stay here. We will be saving almost all of our deployment money and will be able to invest it for a better future for us and our children. I'm not going home because I'm not strong enough to be here by myself. But because I know without a doubt I have an awesome support system in St. Louis, whereas here it's not so great!

My husband is deployed for 15 months. Did I go to stay with my mom cross country? Heck yeah. I still have the same responsibilities here, just a better support system, hubby doesnt worry so much about us, plus my child gets to know his family better. Yeah, okay there is the FRG, but how many times have they called in 13 months? A grand total of 2! I will be leaving in a couple days to go back to the house and everything I left behind so everything will be the same as when he left. Good for the ones that stick it out, but it's an individual choice and no one should be judged. I dont see what's so wrong with going back home anyways.

I think you're totally right. When I married my husband we started our lives together and I'm sure as hell not going to run home when my husband has to deploy. I knew he would have to be gone for months at a time when we married and that's just something you need to accept and deal with. I don't have any children, it's just me and my 2 dogs when my husband deploys. My family loves me very much and would love for me to coem home when my husband is deployed, but I'm not going to run away from my problems, I'm going to face them head on.

I lived at my mom's house the entire time my hubby was gone.
And I CAN handle a gun. I'm a Marine, too!

I live at home with my parents while my husband is gone not only because I do not want to have my first child alone but it is also SOOOOO much CHEAPER. Yes my hubby makes more money deployed but the less we spend the more we save. It all made perfect sense to me when I mad the decision to live with mommy and daddy. NOT ONLY THAT but when my husband is home we have to drive 6 hours just to see my parents therefore it doesn't happen very often. My parents like spending time with me now that I'm living at home.

I moved home for both deployments. The first time I was 17 when my HUSBAND deployed. I was still a young woman and I was scared. My family helped me through it. Plus I paid off all his debt. The second time I moved home because I was lonely and had a 2 year old with me. I had lived in my house(off base) for 4 months after her deployed. I got tired of being lonely, I was scared and 19 at the time! It was hard for me, plus going to school fulltime. This time I saved over $10,000 for my husband. He deserved money to blow. That money would have gone towards paying rent and bills when I just lived with my family. It's everyones choice. I love my family. I would move back in with them if my husband deployed again. Its comforting living where you feel safe my family makes me feel safe!

I know I didn't run home to mommy and daddy - I came home for friends and family support. My son had to have emergency surgery and I had a miscarriage during last deployment, so my HUSBAND wanted us to move home. He felt better knowing we would be around family and friends.

I agree, when 37+ year old women go running back to mommy and daddy its really sad. They uproot their entire lives and families. Their children have to change schools and it really messes up the security and routine that children need at such a important time in their lives. What really pisses me off is the wives that leave before there husband and come back after their husbands. Seriouslly are you that shallow that you do not even have the guts to see your husband off. It kills me when I see my husband off on the plane and I see other married men there with noone to kiss them goodbye. That has to wear you down. I agree there are certain situations that it would be nice to go home, ex. being pregnant, going to finish school, taking care of sick family, things like that but if your going home because you cant stand up and be the woman behind the hero then you need to grow up and consider the sacrafice your husband is making and try and make some for your children.

I kind of agree. I have a friend that does that everytime her husband is deployed. She doesn't want to stay by herself. They don't have any kids, and don't plan on having any anytime soon, so I don't see the point in her running back to her parents.

if going back home is what a person needs to do to get through a deployment then theres nothing wrong with it.....i wish i could but i cant....im stuck here with a 3 month old baby...no friends or family....and i cry every day. its pretty lonely. if ne one else out there is like me...and if they can...id recommend movin home...

Personally, I wouldn't move back home - I am already home. I maintain the home that my husband remembers and dreams about while he is deployed. When he asks "What are you doing?" and I say "I am sitting in your chair, watching TV" - he can picture the scene exactly in his head.

But I can't say that no one should go back home. IF you need the support, then go and be happy. Just remember that life WILL be different when the two of you get back under one roof....

Wow I was about to flip the eff out on this girl, but now I see that alot of you guys have done it for me, and it makes me feel better! There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with going home during deployments! If we all had hearts of steel, as the writer does appearently, maybe we wouldnt need to - but we need to ultimately do whats right for US as mothers/wives etc. - and I would say to those that said its selfish to make children leave their schools - Please. If your a military child, you get moved around!! And yeah it'll be a change, but life is all about change - and if living alone means mom is going to be emotionally a wreck, thats going to be terrible for the kids. Anyway basically I think your a pretty effed up person for judging people and I say if you need to move home to help you get through deployments (and save, oh, I dont know, tens of thousands of dollars?? Can we say college fund/paying off car/family vacation/new household items/etc.) - More power to you! Thats what family is there for! And if your lucky enough to have a supportive family, take advantage of it! Besides, who doesnt love a little grandma time?!?

I think it's mostly protection, if you are in an area you are unfamiliar with and you don't know anyone, it seems foolish to risk it. I think most husbands would want their wives to move home, living with their parents or not, because of the dangers of living alone for that long, and the emotional effects.

I was going to move home, but decided at the last minute, that we had just set out on our own, and I didn't have anyone to help me move my stuff back home. This is home now, and when he gets back, the bed will be made and ready for him!

I don't look down on the girls who move home. I wish I could have, but the circumstances weren't favorable. I miss my family so much, I've never been away, but it's our life now, and we need to act like it!

please don't get the misconception staying through a deployment just to say you did it makes you a good and strong military spouse it doesn't...

I agree. But I also understand why most of the other women got offended.

Mine deploys next week, and you better believe I'm going home for the weekend. Yeah, it's hard to be alone in a city that I came to with someone, but I'm not MOVING back home. Marrying into the military is a full package deal, and I agree that as a woman you should eventually have to learn how to deal.

Deployments are no big surprise, and while they aren't easy, we signed up for them when we said "I do."

I was pregnant during deployment. I had my son and a c-section during deployment. I took care of him for 8 months by myself. My family was 700 + miles away. To each his own. I'm a big girl ... I got this.

I always want my husband to think of me as his wife, his partner and his other half. Not his charge, his dependent and someone he has to make sure is taken care of.

All these women think it's ok to go running back to their parents because he's gone, but what would you think of a military HUSBAND who moved back in with HIS mommy and Daddy if his soldier wife got deployed for a year? You know, for "support"?

Ok well I am gonna side on the original poster here. Ok maybe I can see MAYBE going home for a 15 mnth deployment and I deff can if your going to go into labor during deployment but people who go home with kids and for no reason other then
"I dont know anyone" well grow up. Find ways to meet new people maybe IDK get a job and meet people, join a mom's playgroup if u have young kids...if you have school age kids join the PTA do something to meet people other then sit at home and cry "poor me I know no one boo hoo"

LOL. Whatever makes my husband and I feel safe, secure, and stable during a deployment is what we'll do. Sorry that's so offensive. :S

I had our first while my hubby was gone, stayed by myself, and have for the other 2 deployments and will for the rest bc im a grown damn woman. My family would welcome me with open arms but I choose to stay in the home that we have made together. Saying its too hard to stay and do it alone is a crock. Its only as hard as you make it. Im a stronger woman for having not run back to mommy and daddy. Honestly I look down on the woman that run home. I do not see them as real military wives what so ever.

maybe since people have to move so much and make new friends with every move, they feel more comfortable with their parents. maybe their parents are their best friends. there's nothing wrong with that.

I was pregnant with our first child, and I was still going to be on my own while my husband was deployed. This past weekend, I found out I lost the baby. I still had to deliver it and have a d and c. My "friends" chose to drink instead of coming to the hospital to support me. My husband and the rest of my family are pleading with me to come home. My husband doesn't feel safe with me by myself here. Apparently I didn't have the support system I thought I did. I guess I'm going to move back home. I would rather my husband not have to worry about me, and I don't care to be around my "friends" anymore.

Let me make sure I understand you. If and when the going gets tough and you have an 'out' you are not supposed to take it. You are supposed to linger in misery for the sake of...what?

I say be an adult, paying bills is a responsibility that most all "Adults" have, some of the people saying "I moved home during the deployment and I saved x amount of money and thats money that would have gone to paying bills". Sorry but I about fell off the chair reading the first thought that came to mind was OMG you mean as an adult we actually have bills that we should spend our money on? thats a new concept. Sorry but come on were all adults moving home to "save money that would have otherwise went to paying bills" is just kind of immature, because bills are apart of life...
We moved far away from home for about 7 years and my dads a trucker,dad was gone 3 to 4 weeks home for 3 or 4 days and gone again, my mom didnt know anyone but she didnt pack up and move home just because dad was always on the road, she was an adult.
My husband went out to sea 2 months after I had moved to ga and a month and half after wed gotten married, I didnt know anyone and to top it off the Navy decided we didnt need a paycheck for 3 whole months, I was only 4 hours from my parents, I could have easily gave up moved the 4 hours to my parents while my husband was gone but I didnt! I found a job, made friends and I made it through, even had to battle with housing to get bumped up the list cause I was about to be evicted cause even know I had a job it wasnt paying enough to cover rent utilities groceries truck payment insurance and so on, moving into housing helped on teh rent and utilities end and with the help of the blue crew CO I was able to get into housing before I was evicted lol
I didnt run home to mommy and daddy I didnt even ask my parents for money to help out lol I was an adult and I was a married adult on top of it, I busted my butt and got through it and in some sense I am a stronger person for it,pretty much after that deployment there wasnt much that could go wrong or happen that I couldnt handle lol not being paid for 3 months with no advance warning lol pretty much ehh almost as bad as it can get or has lol so what ever was thrown at us after that I was pretty much ready for it lol had I ran home I would have never learned the lessons that I learned that deployment lol.
But my mom also raised us to be very imdependent, and not codependent...

Why wouldn't you want to teach your children that their parents are there for them when they need support?
Why wouldn't you want to teach them the value of family?
Why would you want to teach your children that it's wrong to ask for help?

Home is in mine and my husbands house. Simple as that. I dont want to "save money" by living with mommy and daddy. Grow up people. I guess some of us didn't get our complimentary pair of big girl panties when we married our soldier.

big girl panties LMAO LOVE IT! TOTALLY AGREE!
Grow up and be an adult people!

I moved back close to home. We paid for all our bills. If either of my kids need to move back home and have us help out no problem. Would you just leave you child alone and depressed and tell them to suck it up because you can't come running home to mommy and daddy, or would you offer support??? I hope the latter.

Wow! That is just ridiculous. I would love to be home with my family, joining in on Christmas celebrations, Thanksgiving and vacations. Why deprive myself and my children of the love of their family while the spouse is away? That is just idiotic.

I totally agree with the OP I really feel like when people move home they are saying they cant handle the deployment and they are throwing their hands up and saying I can't handle this deployment I need to run home to mommy and daddy... In the real world that doesnt happen, when the going get tough the tough get going.. my husband has been deployed 2 times for a total of 27 months do you think I went home for any of those deployments?? no way home is where my husband is I am not going to uproot my children, spend alot of money to get home just because "I don't have a support system" I do have a support system it is my husband, besides I want my husband to be able to come home to the house he left from I want to walk into the closet and see his class A's hanging there I want to be able to see his army gear that he left behind there and sleep in the bed that I have slept in with for years.

Many of the wives on here have such great excuses...but the girl who talked about the big girl panties said it right. DOn't make excuses. My husband is deployed and I live 3000 miles from my family. My family and I are really close. But, I live here and they live 3000 miles down the road. During this deployment I have lost my grandfather. He was my best friend, but I didn't go running back. I went home when it got really bad and I was there until after the funeral. That is what an adult would do. Not only that, but I survived the fires alone and countless other things. To those who say they went home because they live in a bad area...move to a safer neighborhood, dont go running home. Running home to Mommy and Daddy is just copping out of real life. Just grow a set and deal with it.

For me it's more than 'big girl panties', it's the fact that my parents drive me absolutely nuts. Don't get me wrong, I love them but I am much happier alone on post with the kids. We were married with kids when he joined and I knew what he was getting us into since there are a lot of servicemen in my family. Shrugs I've just always prided myself on independence.

i would like to know how many of the people who agree with the OP have kids. it is a lot different to have kids to occupy your time. it is just me and my husband so when he's gone, i'm all alone, every night for 15 months. that's a lot of alone time. i have friends and hobbies, yeah, but that's nothing like having someone else in the house, even if it is a child. it is real easy to judge others but every circumstance is not the same.

Being home while my husband is away makes my daughter and I realize how important family is and when life is tough they will always be there for us. It actually teaches us more than if we would have stayed on post.

You don’t know the reason why the person is moving back home so don’t judge them!

I disagree, you do not know the true reasoning behind their moving back home, I think you need to reorganize your way of thinking...

I stayed my happy adult behind at home AKA MINE AND MY HUSBANDS HOME THAT WE MADE TOGETHER NOT MOMMY AND DADDYS, during the deployments before we had kids, and even now that we have kids I stayed my happy butt at my home I made with my husband!
Family is important and I will go visit, and be there if something happens no doubt BUT Im not packing up my crap and moving home for a deployment no Im sorry Im an ADULT, with ADULT responsibilities.
My kids know families important but they also know you cant just drop everything and run away either!
For those of you who talk about family being a big part and so on...does your family drop everything they have pack up and move to where you are to be with you?....didnt think so your the one dropping everything packing up and moving to where they are...
Im sorry this is the home my husband and I made together, this is the home he left this is the home hell come home too.
Id rather my children have at least some stability in this military life, cant give them even some stability if I was packing up and going home for 15 months every year or every other year, making them change school and move, only to pack up and move BACK and change schools AGAIN and make new friends AGAIN 6 or 15 or 18 months later.
The military moves us enough as it is! Im not adding more unnecessary moving to my childrens life just because I cant hack being an adult,they will stay in the same house same school and same friends until the Navy moves us, not until I decide I cant deal and move home, thats not fair to my kids and thats certainly not teaching my kids any valuable lessons!
Well visit family, spend holidays when we can with family, but as far as running home to live with family during deployment..NO Im NOT a codependent person I can actually function on my own, I dont need my husband 24/7 or my parents, Im an independent woman always have been.

People should do what they feel is best, I don't have to explain myself to anyone.

I agree that we dont know everyone's situations and why they may choose to go home but what pisses me off is when there hubbies finally come back , they want to whine because now they have wait on the housing list again or they have to find a place to stay .

i know thats right.

i love how people think they are so much stronger because they stay by themselves. if you think that's what makes you a strong, independent person, then i pity you. people love to act like martyrs, don't they??

I think this depends on where you are stationed. I always go back to my favorite base. Where I know people. People who are not hillbillies that live 45 miles from the nearest anything.

Okay this lady is trippin. Everyone handles things differently. Yes, face reality. Learn to cope but get help when you need it. We are not robots. We are humans, emotional beings that need support. The woman who wrote that will eventually have something in her life bring her to breaking point and she will want love and compassion not someone to say GROW UP.

Show someone grace, everyone is having a tough time!

I see both sides but I do come home bc I want my kids who at the moment are young to spend time with their extended family....during the time that he is in port we are clear across the country and my kids don't get to see their aunts uncles cousins etc bc the cost of flying a family of 4 across country is costly....so we come home for a big chunk of the deployment. I WANT my kids to know their family bc I didn't know mine growing up. It's not that I couldn't handle it if I had to it's that I want my family to KNOW each other. My husband is big into family too and wants his kids to know the family too so he fully encourages me to bring the kids back to the family. he also knows that when I need a break I will be able to get one....he knows if my child gets sick I'll have someone to watch my other child while my the other is attended to...I've already had to take my oldest to the ER and spend a night in the hospital and I wouldn't have been able to do that at our duty station. Granted this time we have another HUGE reason. We just found out we're getting recruiting duty here so in the process of us being here I'm starting to get our affairs in order instead of us rushing when he gets back...I'm looking for a job....getting the kids daycare taken care of....looking for housing....so people go home for many reasons. It's not that they are "weak" or can't handle it...it means that they have their reasons....and I would rather a person man or women goes home and gets support from familiar faces than deal with the BS drama of bases and hole themselves up in their home and get into a deep depression and do something drastic....Military life is HARD...why make is harder on a person...Why make someone feel guilty for doing what they feel is neccissary for their sanity. Military wives need support NOT to be torn down by one another....we should ban together....

i see some point to this, i don't like married people in the military still depending on their family for money and such. I can understand a loan, but I know some couples who ask their parents for everything. GROW UP. YOUR MARRIED. I can also see people moving home but if you move home, get your own place at home. Why live with your parents. I just think it looks bad, your not suppose to move back into your parents house. I dont think anyone needs that much help. So move home and get your own place. Not live with mommy. Hell my husband is deploying and I will be having my baby by myself. I am not moving home, and my family doesnt have the money to fly out to see me. Also all the wives I have met are flying home to be with there families. I wont put myself under the stress and loose the great place that we are living in. So I will deal, I will be strong about it. I will be a married military mother, who will have her baby, and take care of it while the father is away. thats what i signed up for.

I personally dont think it has anything to do with being "a big girl" or a strong person. Everyone's situation is different and what does it matter? If someone wants to go home, awesome...if you have a loving and welcoming place to go back to for love and support, by all means, go! If you want to "keep the home fires burning", then do it. Why be so judgemental and harsh? You also have to think about another side of it...the husband that's deployed... I can tell you right now mine worried a lot less when I went home than when I was in a big city living alone. If both parties are happy and safe, who gives a shit? Quit your bitching everybody.

So the man marries a woman he knows cant take care of herself and worries.....I think the guys who have strong wives have it better they havent got to worry "what if she burns the house down when Im gone...better call her parents and get her a baby sitter..."

It should be none of your business, if you dont like the idea, then dont be a part of their lives... I think YOU have a lot of growing up to do.

Home??? I thought I lived in my home...Where my husband slept and his boots are still by the door and our memories?? Each to her own, I guess. I do understand people going back to their hometown b/c of school,illness,new babies, etc... But its not for everybody. My friend went back home after having her baby, but she is regretting it now. Before her DH gets home for good she is going to have to drive the 36 hours with 3 kids, to find a new place to live, b/c she doesnt have base housing. Like I said, each to thier own, but I stayed put.

i love my family and never get to see them because of the military lifestyle. so hell yes i am going to go be with them when my husband is gone. it's one of the only times i do get to see them. not to mention they'd be hurt if i didn't. how is that running away from problems and not coping? really? wtf? those of you who are so deeply offended by people spending time with their family are the ones who need to put on their big girl panties and get over it. i've stayed behind before and it didn't make me anymore independent than going back to my parents. you don't get a medal for staying.

Sometimes you just need to go home. It's not a sign of weakness or immaturity. In fact, it can be a sign of strength to admit that we can't always go it alone. Family is important and I think that too often in this country we forget that.

Speaking as a Mom who has just received the call from her daughter asking to come home while her husband will be deployed soon. I have to say after reading some of these postings I am very surprise at the bullying attitudes towards those that choose to come home to the families that love and care for them.
Growing up means you take the responsibility to know what is best for your children and/or yourself. That is different for everyone. Respecting some ones decision and supporting them in it is a sign of maturity.
This pressure to make someone conform to what works for you is short sighted. Your can't possible know all that is involved in making that decision. To those who choose to stay I respect your choice. Please in turn respect that others know what is best for them.

i agree... i did both our children BY MYSELF - pregnancy and 1 of the births, the other birth he left 2 days after... YOU ARE RIGHT. but then again, most girls are clueless and they need their mommy.

There is nothing wrong with going home to mommy and Daddy. Deployemnt is a lonely time and it is really nice to have family by your side.

I have no children. Its me and my husband and two dogs and when he deploys this summer i will NOT be moving "home" This is my home. This is where we live. Not our parents homes. I have a job. I have friends. I will make it. If i need family they will come see me or i could go see them. I believe the community here understands more than my family would besides my sister who is a navy wife. She did it for 20 years and never once moved back "home." .....

I will never move back h