Nope, in the eyes of the law she is now an adult and responsible for her child. It is only your child if you adopt it. It is soley up to her and she can't be made to do anything.

id like to say Id kill my daughter but we all know we cant LOL
Dunno bout the rights and all of a 13 yr old thats pg, consult an attny, family rights person, or whomever ud call, I dont know. But If she is not going to adopt then Id say do what your parents did. Help raise the baby. Im sure its gonna be rough no matter what, but hey, you turned out didnt you? :)

I think it's her decision.. but I don't know, that's really a hard one.

There was a girl who had a baby when i was 16. She too was 16 and her parents made her give it up and put it up for adoption, well she now resents it. Your daughter has made a bad mistake like you (and me I had mine at 18). At 13 she doesn't know what it is to be a mom or care for someone else so she is going to need your help if you guys keep it...all i can say is that listen to what she wants to do cause you don't want to cause any regret on her part for not raising the baby no matter how hard it is on her if she does raise it, and look at yourself... you did it and so could she

I think it would be hypocritical to say she's not fit for a child when you weren't either.

Wow...just wow at being a grandma at 26! Being that you'll be the one taking care of this baby as her and most likely her boyfriend aren't even old enough to legally work but I don't think you really have a say in this since you can't force her to give the baby up or abort it. I would just keep talking to her about giving the baby up for adoption..what a sucky situation for you to be in. She probably thinks it will be like having a freakin puppy...

You baby is having a baby I am so sorry, but what you do about it could hurt her if you just take it away from her. Think about yourself what if they took her away from you? Would you be sad today cause you wouldn't be a mother or you would have spent everyday wondering where you child is....I think she has a right to make a decision and you as her mother should help her. I have to be honest that I am shocked that you are not supporting her to keep it, look where you ended up now, it may have been hard but you did it right? why can't she? what are showing her that she can't do it or that you just don't want to help? think back to how you felt, she feels horrible right , scared, and confused, she is thinking in her head what am i going to do and if you are tell her to give it up you are only adding to the confusion.

wow...here's a newsflash...how about we stop thinking about what's going to "hurt" the pg daughter, or "what she cannot do" (ie. give up the baby) and focus on what's good FOR THE BABY!! This is heartbreaking...and sad, but perhaps a conversation needs to be had with the daughter about selflessness, and doing the right thing for the baby, not for her. I'm sorry, at 13 years old, there are a lot of idealistic thoughts in a kid's head...I don't think she understands the magnitude of this. And, perhaps the saddest point of all, research would indicate that if you keep the baby, this cycle will most likely perpetuate itself. Let's think about the only innocent party in this case...give that baby a chance.

hey its me again, what also bothers me is, I was just married 2 yrs ago, I wasnt done having kids myself, how weird will that be if I decided I wanted to have a baby right now, or was pregnant myself, because we have been trying. I feel mean and selfish, but it upsets me that I have to put off having a baby myself, so I can raise my daughters child and deprive my childless husband of a baby for my daughter. I know it sounds bad but I am just so angry, I thought she would learn from my mistakes.

You need to convince her to give that baby up unless you want to be a great-grandma at 39! Make sure she understands the value of a child being raised by TWO ADULT parents who love him/her.

No, it is not your baby unless she surrenders her parental rights and you adopt the child. You legally cannot tell her what to do with the child (with the exception of abortion as most states require a teen to be around 16 without parental consent to obtain an abortion).

Just to make sure, you may want to contact a local planned parenthood and ask them at what age a minor can receive an abortion without parental consent (it varies by state). I honestly doubt any state allows a 13 year-old to have an abortion without parental consent.

THIS IS REALLY SAD!

A 13 year old with a child is so sad, but an abortion would be so much worse.

I'm sorry, but I agree with the one that said it was hypocritical of you to make her give up her child when you didn't do the same thing. I personally would let her keep it and you help care for it like your mother did for you. That child is a part of you and I can't even believe you would consider giving a piece of you away.

wtf where you thinking? You KNEW she could get pregnant because you did. Why the hell did you not take her for bcp the day she started her period?
Oh that is right, because you are barely old enough to be a parent yourself right now.
I say this having had a child at 16, who I raised. I have been there too. My daughter was just accepted to medical school. YOU could have stopped the cycle.
FTR MOST states allow children to have an abortion without parent consent at any age.

monkey see monkey do

I agree with 9:32, when me and my sister told my mom that we were pregnant and our due dates were the same day and we were still in high school the first thing my mom said was "I am glad you are telling me that you are pregnant instead of telling me you had an abortion" and I agree, life is a wonderful thing!

you will be fine! I have faith in you and your daughter, yes you are a "grandma" now, but you will be a fun one!

uhhh, my mother had me when she was 14. Guess what, I didnt have my 1st child til I was 20 and married. So, quit telling this woman that just cuz she did it her daughter will too. Shes looking for advice not I told you so.

I've got a question. How did you not know your 13 year old was having sex? She 13!!! She can't drive yet so you have control over where she goes and with who. WTF

maybe you should stop worrying about you and your "poor" childless husband, and start worrying and TAKING CARE of your DAUGHTER! And that is complete BS about him being childless. When you marry someone who has children those children become yours!!

my step mother and her mother were pregnant at the same time once so don't think that is going to be so weird. It's happened before. About your daughter, you have to be honest with her and tell her what it's going to be like but it is HER decision. Your parents let you make the decision how about you let her do so too. Are you really going to be a hypocrite? Yes it's going to be hard as hell but you did it, why can't she? You will have to help her but one day she could completely resent you for giving her baby away.

I've got a question. How did you not know your 13 year old was having sex? She 13!!! She can't drive yet so you have control over where she goes and with who. WTF

Do u have a 13 yr old daughter? any kids at all?

I've got a question. How did you not know your 13 year old was having sex? She 13!!! She can't drive yet so you have control over where she goes and with who. WTF

July 18, 2008 10:25 AM

HERE'S A NEWSFLASH, it's IMPOSSIBLE to be with your child 24/7!!!! Hello! I lost my virginity at 14, my parents had no idea!!! They think my husband was my first. I never had the heart to tell them. So this situation that the OP is in sometimes can not be prevented. Kids are gonna do what they want to do, no matter what, they will find a way. To the OP hope you find some sort of agreement to what's best for everyone esp. the baby.

I've got a question. How did you not know your 13 year old was having sex? She 13!!! She can't drive yet so you have control over where she goes and with who. WTF

word.

9:45 I believe 36 states have laws that require minors to either have consent of one or both parent(s) or require minors to give notification of the procedure. So either way, if you are a minor, your parent(s) will know in 36 states. They only way to get around this is for a minor to present her case in front of a judge or to emancipate herself from her parents. Obviously 31 is not most states.

*Originally it was 43 states, but 7 of those state laws were found to unenforceable.

I am not againist abortion, but these are the facts.

I can't imagine being a grandma at 26... that is really, really, really upsetting to me.

How did you not know that your daughter was having sex? I mean, that's like 6th grade, right? It's sad that she couldn't come to you and let you know she was having sex, so I'm surprised she would even tell you she was pregnant. Where is the communication in your family?

Is your daughter pro-choice, or are you just insisting that she not get an abortion? Is she even old enough to get a job and actually take care of her child? How old is her boyfriend, and is he old enough to work and pay child support? It's a tough decision, she can't buy a house, drive a car, or even get a job, so it seems like she's not ready to be a mother.

This situation is horribly shocking, and I can't imagine being in your shoes. I just hope that now you two can keep the line of communication open. I hope something good comes out of this shitty situation. I'm sorry. :(

hey its me again, there is communication, we have talked about everything sex boyfriends etc. point blank there are just some things that your children will do and not tell you about. I am the first person she came to when she discovered she was pregnant, if we didnt have that much communication, she wouldnt have came to me.
I work too you know, noone can be with her 24/7 and I knew she had a bf but had no clue they were having sex! they are both 13. I thought she would be smarter then me

OP, im sorry some people are being so harsh and telling basically telling you its your fault. I know some of the best mothers in the world and straight A students, and guess what, yup pg at 13, 14 etc. You cannot watch your child 24/7. They go to school, go to a friends house to stay the night, I used to fool my mom all the time (at least I thought I did lol) and end up @ my b/f house down the street. We all only hope as parents we can do the best for our children and teach them right and try and learn from our mistakes. I hope you can try to make the best of out of a tough situation.

Wow! I seriously didn't even think it was possible for a thirteen year old boy to get someone pregnant! Shows what I know.

Damn Bush and his abstinence-only sex education!

It doesn't matter WHY she was having sex at this point. The barn door's open and the cow got out. At this point, the two of you (three of you, really, counting the father) need to decide what to do. And no matter what that decision is, a frank discussion about BC and safe sex is in order, even if its already been discussed.

I don't really think the discussion about the adults is really that significant here. Let's put selfishness and hypocracy and everything else on the backburner for a minute and think about what's best for THE BABY!!! Long term...like 10, 15, 20 years down the road, what is best? I think if it turns out keeping the child will be 'best', then go for it. If the child will have a better life with 2 loving parents, then that is the decision that should be made. Stop putting the selfishness of the parents over the welfare of the child!

My parents had no clue what I was doing at that age! Kids are sneaky and good liars. There is absolutely no way you can watch a teenager at all hours of the day. I think that you need to remember how you felt in that situation and what she is going through. Be there for her every step of the way. It is her decision, and if you make it for her she will blame you for the rest of her life. A beautiful special child will come out of it, and is that really so bad? If the same thing happened with my child I would be there every step of the way.

My mom had me at 15.

And for her, if she had not had me, things would not have ended up for her the way they did.

And she looks at how things turned out for her siblings and cousins... And is happy about it. My grandmother thinks the same. lol. If not for me, she wouldn't have met and remarried to my step-grandfather, who is awesome.

He even said:

"All I was looking for was a pretty girl to take to the movies Friday night. And she showed up with this little rat in tow. It never ended up just being the movies." He rocks, he ended up being like a second dad to me.

Then she met my step dad... Again, I sealed the deal. He taught me my ABCs while in Iraq with a tape.

What can I say? I was such a loveable kid! lmao

The thing is...

Whats done is done. Things worked out for my mom because she had the indiscrimant support and love of our very tight knit family.

Maybe things will work out for her like they did for my family. An early, unplanned child is not a mistake. It can often be a blessing.

On another note, mom put me on birth control as soon as I started my cycle and made sure I understood the birds and bees..lol

It's easy not to know what your 13 year old is up to all the time. I was 14 when I got pregnant. My parents had no idea that I was sexually active. Where there is a will, there is a way. What's done is done... no sense in blaming yourself OP.

I had an abortion. I will always regret it. At 14 I did not comprehend what I was doing and I didn't get much guidance. My mom was afraid to sway me one way or another. I don't think that continuing the pregnancy would have been a better choice however. The sad thing, as you well know OP, is that now that it's happened, she will have to live with HER decision, what ever it is, for the rest of her life.

I am married with three children now. I pray that I can share my experiences with my girls and that they will take heed to my advise... but who knows really. If it were my daughter, I would tell her in brutal detail what it was like for me. I would tell her what it was like finding a sitter for my senior prom and all the daily hardships that go with having a baby so young. I would also share with her how controversial abortion is. How many view it as murder. Ask her when she thinks a pregnancy becomes a baby... or is it always? If she feels that she couldn't give up her baby, listen to her. Listen to her opinions and feelings. There is no wrong answer. She is young, but the outcome of this will affect her and HER baby much deeper than it will affect you. Listening to her will help her sort things out. Don't be afraid to tell her how you feel either. She is still a child and needs guidance from you.

As wrong as it might sound, I would actually pray for a miscarriage, simply because then she won't have to make the decision one way or another.

Ultimately, it is her baby and her decision, even though there is a good possibility that you will be raising the baby. Try to support her in what she decides and hold her accountable if she has the baby. Btw, I don't blame my parents for my mistake because they made ME deal with it. Good Luck.

9:45 is a fucking cunt. don't blame this woman. SHE didn't get her daughter pregnant. and YOU don't know what precautions she told her daughter to take. If teens have kids b/c their parents have teens, what do you say about teens who have kids but weren't born to teen parents. cycles do repeat, but not always. you probably rushed your daughter down for the pill the minute she started her period and now your daughter is somewhere fucking and you are sitting on your high horse because you think you are such a good mom b/c your daughter is a slut who uses birth control at 14

That's just wron. I heard two eight-year-olds at church last night talking, and one of them told the other, "Yeah, my boyfriend's coming to stay with me tonight, and we are SERIOUSLY going to have sex. You can come, too, if you want." EIGHT YEARS OLD!!!
Still being a teenager myself, I think that she's still a child and isn't fit to take care of another child. I've been helping in the church nursey since I was 11, and I KNOW I couldn't take care of a baby.
Think about how well she can take care of the baby. Unless you legally adopt the baby, you don't want this baby to consider YOU his/her mother. If you think she can raise a child in 7th grade, or whatever, then go ahead. If she cannot, adoption is the best way. That baby would be loved by a coupls who possibly can't have a biological child. You said that you had struggles, so chances are that she will, too. ANY 13 year-old with a baby will struggle. Simple as that. That baby needs two loving, responsible adult parents. If she kept the baby, you would most likely and up raising it.

My advice: Look into open adoption, aling with the father. Your daughter can still see her baby, have letters from the parents, hear bout everything happening with him. It's the best choice, to me.

PS-I'm 14 years old.
I've been taking care of babies for almost three years, and I know for a fact that I'm not even CLOSE to being ready to be a parent. Don't think about your daughter.
Last year, a girl in my classes droppes out of school to raise her baby.
She was 12 years old.
No one that age is ready for a child. THINK ABOUT THE BABY. And, if she isn't legally emancipated, it IS your decision until she's 18.

To the 14 year old writing above,

Good for you for being on the right path:) As you get older and have more life experiences, you will learn that not everything is always black and white. Your heart is in the right place honey, but there are many ways that choosing for her could hurt her daughter and/or the baby in the long term. I'm sure that her mom appreciates hearing from someone her daughters age though. I have to ask... does your mom know that you are on this site? There is a lot of content here that isn't appropriate for you. Concerned

Why is a 14 year old posting on this site? Get out of here!

LMAO I am sorry but I am sitting here right now thinking that when your GRANDCHILD becomes a teenager he/she will bring another guy around and call you a GILF. That is insane...lol...oh well I reckon your parents had to take care of your kid for a while so I imagine it's payback that you take care of your daughter's kid for a while, too. Maybe you should have locked her in her bedroom since the time she turned 10 years old knowing that the slut gene runs in your family. Lmao!

2:37 It is only the OPs choice in the case of abortion. Unless they live in one of the 14 states that do not require consent/notification, the OP will have to give consent for an abortion to happen. There are ways to get around this if the daughter goes before a judge and presents a compelling reason as to why she should have an abortion.

As far as adoption, it is the MOTHER of the childs choice. The mother has to be the one to give up the parental rights, NOT the grandmother. So no, it doesn't matter if the OPs daughter is 13 when it comes to adoption.

It is possible for grandparents to file an order for custody, but that is about it (unless the mother terminates her parental rights).

This is in terms of the LAW, not an opinion/what is moral/what is right. Legally, the grandmother has no rights to that child unless in circumstances mentioned above.

If it were my daughter, I would be either A. taking her to the clinic for an abortion or B. start looking for adoptive parents. I would be getting some sort of birth control after it's all over also.....

Where's the BOY stand in all of this?

It doesn't matter where the boy stands in all of this. What is he, 13 too? Freakin not even old enough to legally work in this country. If parents had more control over their kids they wouldn't be making babies while they are still young enough to play with dolls and Tonka trucks.

Sorry OP but your daughter is a slut. Get over it and realize YOU are now forced to take care of her baby. Who else will? The 13 year old kids? Yeah....right.... I feel sorry for the baby and that's the only one I do feel for.

I really don't know what to say. It's sad that kids are having babies and here I am 25 and I can't have one. My mom was 15 when she had me and I was raised by my grandparents and I even thought they were my parents until my mom showed up when I was 10 and took me away. She was like I'm married now and I'm just going to take her. So the only advice I can really offer is take custody of the baby that way if she chooses to raise it she can do so in your house until she is able to get on her feet and of legal age to move out and work etc. and if she chooses to behave like a normal teenager and leave the parenting up to you the child won't have a traumatic childhood like I did. Or if you can't take care of the child see if she's willing to do an open adoption maybe even with someone that she knows personally (close family or friends) that way she can still have an active roll in her childs life. But remember it is her child and whatever she chooses she will have to live with her choice.

I always thought that a slut was someone who has had sex with numerous people. I didn't realize that it was defined by a teenage girl making a mistake?! Wow. 3:25, you must be perfect (yes that's sarcasm.) I really feel bad for you 3:25, you will never have enough perspective to truly appreciate life and without mistakes, you will never have any REAL insight.

PLEASE IGNORANT, BITTER PEOPLE LIKE 3:25

"always thought that a slut was someone who has had sex with numerous people. I didn't realize that it was defined by a teenage girl making a mistake?! Wow. 3:25, you must be perfect (yes that's sarcasm.) I really feel bad for you 3:25, you will never have enough perspective to truly appreciate life and without mistakes, you will never have any REAL insight.

PLEASE IGNORANT, BITTER PEOPLE LIKE 3:25"

Yeah..I'm IGNORANT because I did not have sex and get pregnant at 13. Stooopid me, right? I also didn't murder anyone or kick any puppies when I was 13 either. (Lol I don't do that now anyway and I'm 23) I got married at 20 and have had two kids since then. And I think that was stupid. But hey, you are what you are and if you're a slut then that's what you are. A slut is a 13 year old having sex and of course not being married. GET THE FUCK OVER IT. Plenty more people than me will be saying that about her. Imagine what it will be like for this girl going to school in the 8th fuckin grade with a pregnant belly. (but oh no, no one will say anything negative about her) yeah right.

Slut slut slut get over it. If nothing else I grew up watching the Golden Girls and realized sometimes being a slut is just what some girls are. Lmao.

Well I'm pretty sure if the boy is 13 and can't work you can go after his parents and force them to pay the child support. They are responsible for this baby too since their son had sex but can't take care of the baby. The responsible party for that boy then has to take care of his mistakes just as you have to for your daughter.

Seriously they need to actually teach kids about birth control in the schools, if the parents don't talk to their kids about it. All this abstinence-only education is increasing the teen pregnancy statistics. Teens are too scared to get birth control because the school system teaches them that it's shameful to be having sex, so they hide it from everyone, including their parents. We ALL know kids are gonna do it, so we need for them to be prepared!

There is no reason why 13 year olds should be having children! I thought boys still had cooties when I was 13! This is scary, and I hope to jebus people start talking to their kids about sex and protection, since the school system obviously failed.

If it was my daughter, I'd be taking her ass down to Planned Parenthood and she'd be getting an abortion. A 13-year old's body may be sexually mature, but she is still physicallay growing and will be for another few years. Pregnancy is hard enough for a grown woman; imagine how hard it would be to be 13 and carrying that belly around. There is NO REASON for 13 year olds to be having sex, let alone getting pregnant. She is too young and too immature to even have a say in the matter. If a 13 year old can't even legally consent to have sex, how can she be responsible for another life?

Wow. Im so sorry that you are faced with this. You can see where she is coming from though. You have been there. Please dont force her to have an abortion. She will have to LIVE with it the rest of her life and some people just cant. Let her make her own informed decision.

Also about the having a baby younger than your grandchild. Who cares. Happens alot with people who get remarried. You can let this overtake your marriage.

I AM A YOUNG MOTHER MYSELF I GOT PREGNANT BEFORE I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL AND IF I WERE IN YOUR SHOES DEALING WITH THE SAME SITUATION ID PROBABLY FEEL THE SAME. MY ADVICE TO YOU IS THIS HELP HER. YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS FOR YOU TO BE IN HER SHOES. NOW A DAYS THERE ARE SO MANY PROGRAMS TO HELP YOUNG MOTHERS TO BE. I KNOW WHERE I LIVE IN NEW JERSEY THERES A WIC PROGRAMS WHICH STANDS FOR WOMAN INFANTS CHILDREN. THEY HELP THOSE THREE CATEGORIES WITH FORMULA AND ESSENTIAL ITEMS TO KEEP YOUNG PREGNANT MOMS ETC.. HEALTHY. THE INTERNET IS A BEAUTIFUL THING USE IT AND LOOK FOR PROGRAMS IN YOUR AREA TO MANAGE YOUR SITUATION. BE THERE FOR FOR HERE N HELP HER TO LEARN TO NOE CONTROL HER HORMONES GET INVOLVED!!! GOOD LUCK

4:11 you are a judgemental bitch. You remind me a lot of one of my aunts, adn I'll tell you why. When one of my cousins (not her dauthers) got pregnant as a teenager, my aunt treated her like shit. Called her all kinds of names from slut to a disgrace to the family. She basically disowned my cousin. Fast forward a couple of years, one of her "perfect" daughters not only also got pregnant, but she did it three times!! She also started having affairs with married men and even had her kids taken away by CPS. She has been the talk of the town for years.

Now fast forward to the present, my "slut" cousin is still unmarried, has three kids that my aunt has had to raise because my cousin can't keep a job, she still running around after men. My other cousin, the "slut" on my aunts eyes, has been happily married for 15 years to an awesome man who is raisingher first child as his own, they have a totla of 3 kids, they both finished their college degrees, have careers and are doing fabulolusly well.

The moral of the story is, shut the fuck up. Someday you could be eating your own words.

YAY 8:50!

WIC is not just for young mothers or even poverty stricken mothers. Most middle class, married couples qualify for it and the majority of our enlisted military qualifies too. I get WIC and my husband's SRGT gets food stamps. My husband and I didn't qualify prior to enlisting but because they don't count BAH or BAS we do now. My SIL who's husband is W-1 also qualifies. With the wages our government offers our military, every bit helps, so why not. It's there to help people who need it and MOST of us need it.

You need to sit down with your daughter, the father, and you all need to talk seriously about adoption. This is just my opinion, but I don't think ANY 13-year-old can adequately raise a child alone. The parents aren't even lelally old enough to work, if the father even wants to be in the child's life. Sher says she can't give up her baby, but think about the fact that is she keeps it, you will probably play a HUGE part in raising it until she finishes school, or is at least old enough to work somewhere and provide for the baby. Explain in greaaat detail how tough it is to raise children, that it'll take up her time so she probably won't have a social life. She'll have to be at home, taking care of the baby, and working someplace to be able to even start to provide for it.
Other than the fact that I'm srongly against abortion, I agree with 5:15, July 18. She's just not READY for a baby, in any sort of way.

Qouting my eighth grade teacher: "You have to be able to raise five plants before you can raise a golfish, and five golfish before you can raise a dog. But just because you raised five dogs doesn't mean you're even close to being able to raise a baby."

Don't think about her emotions first. Think about how well she could raise a child.

Adoption! We have a couple at church who have been on the wait list for three years to adopt a child, and it's pretty sad. That baby needs two adult parents who know what they're doing (better than a teenager, definately), and can raise the baby well and afford to raise him/her. She can still see the baby often, and it will have a safe and loving home with two parents to care for it.

Ok I don't agree with most of the posters on here. I think its ultimately her decision not by law but by the fact that she put it into her own hands that she was mature enough to have sex, with sex there are consequences (i.e. getting pregnant, getitng an STD, so on), I don't think you should go to a clinic and make her get an abortion. I also don't think that you should make her give up the baby. I think you should be there for her in this rough time because pregnancy can be harsh. Don't get onto her about getting pregnant at 13, you did it, you can't be mad at her, yes she wasn't careful and now she's paying for it. As for the baby, just help her take care of it, there is food stamps, WIC, and god forbid Welfare to help with financial and food support with this child. But what would you have done if your mother had made you give up this wonderful daughter of yours, children are miracles no matter if they come from a mistake or not. They are one of the best lessons in life. Let her keep it, just help her know what to do. After all you were young too. Hope that didn't sound too rude but that's my two cents on the matter.

I'm wondering where the fuck were you as her mother? Allowing her at 13 to go off alone with a boy? Sorry, I couldn't and none of my kids will date until they are 16 and can drive. Period! If they have a boyfriend, he can come over but there will ALWAYS be supervision and if they go into his/her room, the door will stay open and I WILL keep an eye on my child. I'm sorry but a 13 doesn't "really" know any better. They do in a sense but they are still too young to see the consequences. YOU as her 'mother' should have been more of a MOTHER to her.