The military being part of his life is something you'll have to live with or not. It's not fair to force him to make a decision between you and what he wants to do with his life. I would feel awful if my husband gave up something he loves (like his job) for me.

If you really loved him you would support him in whatever he wants to do with his life.

"If you really loved him you would support him in whatever he wants to do with his life."

If he really loved her, he wouldn't make her live a miserable life.

He is the whole package--the man you love and the job he wants to do. Don't make him choose--he'll either choose his profession and make you miserable or choose you and be miserable because he's not doing what he wants to do!

Find another guy...

Well maybe that's the only way he can support her and the only thing he enjoys doing. It works both ways.

"If he really loved her, he wouldn't make her live a miserable life."
So he should make his life miserable? That in the end will make both of their lives miserable.

i always hated the fact that he was in the military and i even tried to talk him out of joining in the first place. that was until the first time i saw him doing what he loves. that was the most happy and content i've ever seen him. i could tell how much he loved it and i want him to have that. after that, i told him i'd stick by whatever made him happy.

In order to put you first, he HAS to put the military first... that's how he takes care of you.

Then don't bitch about it. If you chose to stick by him, then shut it. Find ways to make you happy instead of dwelling on the miserableness of it.

You will be Number Two. That's a fact. If it's not the life you think you can live happily, THEN MOVE ON! It's not a failure to admit you don't want to be a military spouse, and you're not a hero for sacrificing yourself to something you don't like. Do yourselves (both of you) a favor and think hard about this.

Your future happiness, and his, depends on it. Good luck!

It's hard, for any military spouse and even their children...the children don't choose to be a part of it, but we as spouses do. You need to think about this, and if it's not what you want, then you need to make a decision as to what you do want...it is just going to make both of you miserable if you don't support him and are jealous of his job being number 1 all the time...you both deserve to be happy!

hey 1:20 you have good advice but it would be heard better if you were not being such a bitch. doing things that make you happy and trying to make more time with your husband when he is home would be good. 8:34 she never said she did not support him. oh and 1:20 this sight is for bithing and confessing so if you don't like it go the i am peachy keen sight.

Just think of it this way " It's his job, just like you have your job." I am married to an army man and I also know without his JOB we would not be eating or driving or anything else.

Don't listen to all the negative. More people feel this way then what they let on...including myself. You guys have to come to a compromise. And we all know that is what marriage is all about.

I just realized that this is in the Guards/Reservists category. How much time does he spend doing "military" stuff? I'm confused now... is he going AD? WTH? Someone explain please!

Get real people, first off the show Army wives is nothing like the real lives we live. Especially all of us that have been deployed to other countries. Try being in Germany where they hate us Americans and yet we are at their merecy here. When you marry a military person be prepared to ALWAYS be second in their lives be cause they are OWNED and Married to them first and fore most. Anyone whom says different is full of it...or is in denial.... Don't expect them to change for love it rarely works. That's why the military has the highest divorce rates. According to many sources...

Weekend warrior!!

8:19 I live in Germany (have for almost 3 years) and travel a lot. I have yet to meet one single German who hated Americans just for being American. Don't be such a drama queen bitch.

I absolutely understand what you're saying. I hate being number 2 but he loves his job. He's been home a total of 4 months out of the last 19! And when he is home the Corps comes first. But he works hard and sacrafices so that we can have a life and he takes a lot of pride in what he does. So as a military wife, I make as much of a sacrafice as he does. And I treasure every moment we have together. We have 2 choices. To try to understand that he loves his job and accept out place as number two so that he can do his job and support us (job security, medical, dental, retirement, pay garuntee). Or to give him an ultimatum which will only result in at least one of you being unhappy, if not both.

I don't know if your husband was military when you got married or if he joined after the vows. Also, not sure if there are children involved but if there are, you really need to look deep into your heart before making a decision you may be sorry for in the future. If you truly love him, be happy that you are only number two. Regardless of the occupation, it is almost a given that the spouse will be number two. It's when you are number three that you have to worry. If you can't work it out between yourselves, get help from your minister or a counselor. If your relationship is worth having, it's worth fighting for. ~ Jeanie (ejr2003@earthlink.net)

Have you ever thuoght that nomatter if you feel you are number 2 you are number 1 to him and its just he has to put the military number 1 to do his job well. Dont let that overshadow his true love for you. If you know you cant do it then you know in your heart what to do.

I never met any Germans who hated Americans either. Usually the opposite! Note to wife who wants him to leave the military. If your man was in the military when you met, you have no right to complain. I know you worry about his safety and everything but, the vows do say for better or for worse. If you're not married yet, don't if you can't stick 24/7.

Everyone is making it sound as though your husbands choose to put the military before you. Although the military will always come first, I know that his heart belongs to me. I am first in his life. I also know what his job requires, and I am by no means a good Army wife. I'm needy and depressed while he's gone but he is working for our future. The military life SUCKS, but you have to look at the positives. Its stable, you meet new people, you get to travel, and best of all with every time he comes home from a deployment or field excercise you get to relive your honeymoon ;)

LOL whatever people.
I don't much like the BS the military pulls..but wtf am i suppose to do? throw a temper tantrum? oh please! the military is his JOB!
yes, when he comes home and says, "oh yeah, uhhhh this weekend i have been "volunteered" to do blah blah blah... so i wont be home till late" im saying in my head, "OH that's just FABULOUS! yet another weekend w/out him."
but what comes out of my mouth is, "Okay. I love you, see you when you get home".

WHY? because i love him. because i chose to marry him and have a family with him. because i support him, even if i might not like it! he supports me.

i REFUSE to let the US military fuck up my marriage because i get a sudden attack of the "oh poor me's".

put up or shut up! and i know DAMN well i come FIRST to my husband, but i voluntarily take a backseat for HIM! that's what sacrifice in a marriage is about. what is the sacrifice my husband gives up? his freedom, his time w/me and his kids.

he does it for his country as cliche as that sounds.

OP if you can't hack that...i do not suggest that you stick around.

I hate the folks who say "you knew this when you married him" Seriously, go pound sand. It's about as constructive as "I told you so." Some things you can't really understand till it happens to you. It's like reading a book and doing something. Not exactly the same.

"I just realized that this is in the Guards/Reservists category. How much time does he spend doing "military" stuff? I'm confused now... is he going AD? WTH? Someone explain please!"

Some of us guard families are full-time. My husband works full time at the armory as a supply sgt. He goes to work every day in his ACU's and does PT and all that. Plus then goes to drill with his unit and AT.

Why should she have to sacrifice what she wants with out hesitation and he not even give sacrificing something for her a second thought? OP, you are worth some happiness too. Don't let these ladies who have just accepted that they will always be miserable get to you. If you don't like it; change it. You don't have to give up your husband just because you don't want the military to be his lifelong career. There are MANY other careers out there, but only one of you. Good luck.

The Air Force is my husband's job. Our kids and I are his life. The day that isn't an absolute truth is the day I walk out.

I've never met any Germans who hate Americans. Now I'm living in Britain and they all like us here, too.

Yeah, my husband's job is his job. I don't feel like I'm "number 2" at all. I know he loves me a lot more than he loves being in the military, and that if it came between me and the military he would choose ME.

Your husband/wife and family should ALWAYS come before your JOB. Always.

Your not number 2 in his life. Your looking at this in all the wrong way. The military and his career is who he is. He doesnt put the military in the middle of you, You are... You cant except who he is and be proud of it and stand beside him then leave.
And the idiot who said that he is making her life misserable... He isnt. Being misserable is a choice, its hers on her own. If you cant suck it up, then its time to go. Then you wont be misareble any longer. And neither will he. Youll probable do him a favor by just leaving if you are constantly on him about is life. God i hope you two didnt have kids. Its always the stupid people who cant handle life that have kids and then fuck them all up.

Boo freaking Hoo!
Hubby told me that in his heart I am number 1. His job sometimes gets in the way, but that is how we are able to live the life we have. Seriously if you are gonna cry about this, find someone else. You should be mature enough to know that he doesn't WANT to put you second. But his job makes it that way so that you can be well taken care of. In his heart of hearts, you are first. Common Sense!

I'm 8:15. I never said that I'm miserable 10:52. My point was to say that if I were offered a job in another state, I would EXPECT DH to consider giving up the military so that I could pursue my own dreams. Just like I gave up so many things for him to pursue his career. Sorry, but it's my turn! I deserve nothing less. I think that a lot of you ladies have some serious self esteem issues. It's not unreasonable for someone to be unhappy with this lifestyle. Why are you all being so hard on the OP with this "love it or leave it" attitude? Marriage is about compromise...whether it's for a new job or simply your families general happiness. I'll say it again... there are lots of careers to choose from but only one of you. OP, DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR WHOLE FAMILY, NOT JUST WHAT IS GOOD FOR HIM.

I am an Army wife to and I do not think that he is trying to0 put his job first. But you have to stand by him if he is happy than you should be happy for him. It is hard but thay need us and you may not know it but he lens on you when he comes home from work does he not huge you and tell you all of his problems. he love you! and coming frome a wife thay is going thrugh a deployment you have to stand by him and just love him I hope this helps you and I am sorry if it makes you mad but it is the truth

Army Wife!

My husband is full time active guard as well... and would like to stay that way until he retires in 8 years.

10:52 where did you read that she is on him, all she is asking for is some advice on this. who are you to talk about kids with that attitude. you sound like an imature person with a bitchy attitude.

to 7:49 my husband does the military one weekend a month and the AT once a year that is two to three weeks. he just left a few days ago on his first deployment.

First of all, she never said she is a WIFE!!!

Second of all, 7:04 you're an idiot! Uh, we all understand exactly what it's like since we are freaking MILITARY WIVES! So yes, don't bitch and moan--you knew he was in the military when you met/married him.

And Finally:

8:15 we're not all miserable with our choices. When we get married, we formed a partnership. And yes, there is give and take. But you apparently see it as "I give 100% then he has to give 100%. I'm miserable when I'm supporting him, so he has to be miserable when he supports me".

That's a sure recipe for marital disaster, honey!

Rant/off

I am with you honey. For real. I don't want him to be miserable, but then, why do I need to be miserable either? Why is anyone's happiness Moe important than another's?
I understand some guys feel its part of who they are, but in the end, its just a freaking JOB. And people change jobs all the time. Its a way to support themselves and their family, but its not the only way! Plenty of people have regular jobs with benes that support their families, and they don't have to be away from each other the majority of the time! Its a choice, all of it. So, I understand people when they say you need to choose, but you're not the only one who should have to choose. Why is a persons happiness more important because they are in the military? I don't think it is...

Thank you 4:35! I think you said it much better than I did:)

When I met and married my husband he was already a Marine. I am his second wife and I have yet to be second. In our first years of marriage he was a Drill Instructor, it hit our relationship so hard it almost knocked it out! But I guess our love for each other is deeper and stronger.

Yes, He deploys and sure enough I am left alone, his mission is first. But when he is home I am first, his family is Always first.
Maybe your man needs to detach himself when he leaves work...work stays at work...or maybe your too full of yourself, too selfish to understand the BIG picture...the reason our Men and Women fight leaving their spouses and families to protect our Nation.

Maybe our family just works differently. We support each other and love each other.

The way I can see it clearly is if I support him and his military career, he supports me and my career decisions. If he is putting you second than you need to rethink what you want in life and let him know, if he doesn't budge than walk away and follow your dreams. Just remember marriage is a give and take, it's never 100% from each party. One day it maybe 50%, 50% the next it may be 70%, 30%, but maybe the following it will be 20%, 80%.

Good luck!

2:28 I am an Army wife but I did not marry an army soldier. I married a civilian who joined the Army a couple years after we were married. While dating and first year of marriage the military was never mentioned. So NO not everyone knew what they were getting into when they started dating and married their military spouse. I am so sick of hearing that shit.Yes I could have left my husband when he wanted to join, but I love him and support him in whatever makes him happy. And you know what even the ones that knew what they were getting into still have a right to bitch and complain and vent, it is no different than civilian wives complaining about their husbands job. I have never understood why military wives aren't allowed to complain, makes no sense. EVERYONE has to sometimes. Anyways everyone should stop assuming everyone knew what they were getting into when they married their spouse, I am have met quite a few others whose husbands joined after they were married.

6:45 it still was a family decision wasn't it? So yes you did know....

Anyway, it's not complaining that most of us are so against. It's the incessant bitching and moaning and feeling sorry for oneself! It's the whining drama queens who want to be the center of attention just because their husband's deployed.

We all like a good wallow and some days are harder than other, but we accept the hard times and face them graciously.

Believe me, no matter how you delude yourself, your husband wants to you to be a mature, responsible partner in this, not a sniveling crybaby.

I knew my husband had a commitment to the military before we got married and when we got married I told him his family had to be a priority. I understand his duty as a soldier but he also knows his duty as a husband and dad. Talk together and be each others shoulder to lean on. It is a job just like any other. Every career has its ups and downs.

ME TOO 6:45! And I wish like hell I trusted my gut feeling and tried to talk him out of it. I support my husband, but I had NO IDEA he was going to join two years after we were married and I had NO IDEA what I was getting myself into. So there.

So obviously everyone here thinks it's a-ok for you to sacrafice your happiness, but it's not ok that he may have to sacrafice the love of his job for his woman. Everyone keeps saying love him and sacrafice your happiness and support him in what he loves. Well if he can't sacrafice his job then he doesn't love you that much. Fuck that bitch and get a new manfriend.

I think that's the point--no one is telling her to sacrifice, they're just pointing out that she's wrong to make him choose.

If he doesn't give a darn what she thinks, he probably doesn't love her very much anyway!

9:10-
they DO sacrifice for us! they sacrifice very important things!

being there for the birth of a child, birthdays, anniversaries, Xmas, graduations,ETC!

you might not think that's big...but i do! my husband missed his daughter's frist steps, his oldest son's last day of school, and entry into Junior high. his middle son's honor award cerimony, his youngest son's birth!

if you dont think that is sacrifice then you are fucking high!
he sacrifices all that to put food on the table, and a roof over our heads.

if you can't see that, then you're not just high, you're fucking mental! you wouldn't know TRUE sacrifice for your family if it bit you on your retarded ass TWAT!

2:57 what is your problem this sight is to vent if we need to. you probably never let your emotional feeling out so you can be strong. i will tell you something if you don't let your feeling out it makes you a bitter bitch just like you are acting. when we love our husbands we stand by whatever job they do even if we don't like it so we can bitch and wine whenever we want. just because we do that does not mean we are trying to be the center of attention and feeling sorry for ourselves. even if that was the case then i guess in your eyes everyone on this sight is being the center of attention. by the way you are retarded ass twat just like 9:46 said about 9:10. (9:46 good name)

I think you love him with all your heart and thats why you feel the way you do but you need to support him in his dreams and ambitions. Sierving our country is a very honerable thing to do and if thats what he wants to do you need to tell him how you feel and let him make the final choice. Support him, Stand beside him, Love him no matter what and let him know that npo mattr waht you'll love him either way.

I felt the same way. My husband just signed up with out telling me. It hurts, but if it's love then you can make it work.

1:40, damn. Your husband is POS.

Excuse me: A total POS.

thank you 6:01.

i am not exactly happy about being a military wife. however i am proud of what my hubby does and it is a big reason why i fell in love with him. being put 2nd sucks as do the deployments. but they say once a soldier always a soldier. my hubby has been in for 5 years. he just re-enlisted for another 6 years. i knew what to expect when we got married and it still hurts. but i would rather be second in his life than to not come at all. and depending on your man it is possible that he puts you equal to the army just at different times. he will put you first when you are at home if the military allows it. he will put you first when on leave. just all depends on the timing and the man. the military is a reliable job. you always know when to expect a paycheck. you get medical and cheap benefits. the only thing i could really ask for is more time with my hubby. other than that is a better life than what some have. and with the one i love in it i wouldn't trade it for the world.

9:46, you are retarded! Those sacrifices were not for your family...they were for our country. It has nothing to do with your family. Your husband COULD find another way to support you without having to sacrifice so much time with you. IMO it's COMPLETELY unnecessary to miss so much of your children growing up. I agree with the all the PPs who think that his families happiness is worth sacrificing the love of his career. This lifestyle doesn't work for everyone. What is so wrong with that?!?!

my husband doesnt have to make a choice b/c i am his wife and my job is to follow him and support him and trust that he is doing what he feels is best for our family...i may not like the "military life" sometimes, but i dont let it get me down...u can choose to be miserable or u can choose to be happy...

WOW...There is no black and white answer as you can see.. And as you know from being a military wife we all have our opionion. The fact is, ANY job whether in the MILITARY or out is hard, they all have ups and downs. However; the military offers a heck of a lot more upon retirement. There isn't a single care that will give you the 'bennies' the day he retires. He can sit on his butt and draw a check and get health benefits, trust me the time flys! I would be willing to bet there is something else going on in your life, relationship or family (his, yours or combined) that has made life hard right now and the military life has only made it seem worse. Hang in there and remember 20 years, although long...Flys by and you want to be there for yourself, your husband and your children. It isn't always greener on the other side...Tricare pays 8 sessions with a counselor without getting it authorized, wether he will go or not find one that fits (a may take a time or two) and talk as corny as it sounds it feels better and is safer than the other wives! GOOD LUCK

Oh I totally understand. Its like we sign the dotted line as well when we marry them. It doesn't help any either. It is a great fall back, but at the same time you want a normal life. MY best adivce is to talk to him explain to him how you feel and see what he says. The army is one of those lifes you either hate it or love it and there are no two ways about it. Good luck!

9:21 she never said she was going to make him choose. why is that the whole point when she said nothing about that.1:20 do you really need to sound like such a bitch. knowing you were going to be a military wife, or not knowing we still have a right to vent or bitch (as you call it) about it.

I really feel for you. I hate this life style and having a third party not only run my husband's life, but mine as well is difficult. Fortunately, I made it very clear before we got married that even though I loved him very much I can not have my life revolve around the military and we need to find a life style we can both be happy with. He agreed and my husband will not reenlist. I suggest for anyone getting married to a person in the military to have this discussion BEFORE he joins or before the wedding. Hopefully your husband can look at it from your perspective. Both sides need to give a little!!

she is not saying that she wants to leave her husband people she is saying being put last sucks. Cant someone vent without everyone thinking she is a bitch. being married is not just about a man and his job. its about both of you working as one. If the wife is unhappy then the husband and wife should talk and come to a good middle. both sides need to give in, in a relationship. The husband needs to give and not always take, and if that is how it is then how will the wife ever be happy?!

10:26 you said it exactly. thank you to all of you who gave great advice without being rude about it. it was what i needed to hear.

Wow. Must be a lot of asshole husbands out there. He's always put me first. But then again, we were already together before he joined.